Dear 2020 Me

I enter the 2020-2021 school year in a very different place. I am feeling like a new teacher again. Oh wait, that's right. I am! This is new to us all. I have read passionate letters and tweets expressing the anxiety and concerns of many educators. Here, I decided to do something different. Here, I air my concerns, talk myself off the proverbial cliff, and share my "plan" for surviving another turbulent pandemic season.

Why?  These thoughts have cluttered my brain for months.  Then, they made it to a notebook in colored marker where they became a little more real.  Posting them here makes them REALLY come alive and challenges me to hold myself accountable.  (You are now officially my accountability partner).  Here we go.

Worried me:

Planning.  It runs in my family (just ask my sister).  However, I can't plan for the unknown.  I don't know what teaching will look like or how I will be able to develop relationships with students through a mask and/or a screen.  I feel unprepared despite the fact that I "prepared" all summer, reading, studying, and learning about new tools and concepts to use this fall.  

Grounded me:

I have a toolbox of ideas and resources.  I am flexible and creative.  I am used to responding to my students needs.  This piece of the work has not changed (even though the format has).   I know how to do this.  I can do this.

Worried me:

Relationships. I work really hard to develop relationships with my students, but how am I going to do this through a screen and from 6 feet away?  How do I take a child aside and give them space to share what's on their mind with me?  It is really difficult to "read a room" through a Zoom!  Also, I am hard of hearing.  Masks make it even harder for me!

Grounded me:

We can figure this out together.  I am comfortable in-person because that is what I know best.  However, I had an opportunity to teach online this past spring and I had some pretty fabulous experiences.  I got to know students and parents in ways that I never would have if we were in the traditional classroom.

Worried me:

Preparation.  Am I prepared enough for the massive feat in front of me?  How do I do this so that it doesn't consume me?  Every day is a new adventure and every unknown brings multiple pieces that I need to brainstorm, research, create, and implement.  Will I ever sleep again?

Grounded me:

I will NOT get it all done.  

I will embrace each day with grace.  I will establish boundaries and work as hard as ever, but an unprecedented school year will not define or unravel me.  I look to this year to challenge me, and stretch me as a teacher, mother, wife, and human.  This won't be easy, but I am a teacher.  I am flexible, responsive, and ready to learn.